I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
