So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
