the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
