just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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