i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize