Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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