I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
