I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
