Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
