pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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