Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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