ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
