I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
