then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
