I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize