I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
