we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
