Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
