How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
