I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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