You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize