all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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