Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
