i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
