How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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