dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
