We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
