I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
