At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize