my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
