Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
