what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
