I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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