im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sorry about my life...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
