Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
