New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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