I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
