Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
