hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
