Whod you bang
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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