Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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