When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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