he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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