i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
