I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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