Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
