I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
