did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
