Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
