i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
