I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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