Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
