Buhtt sex?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
