I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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