end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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