I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
did i just pee glitter
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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