i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
