Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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