cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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