dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
