Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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