my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize