Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
