I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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