i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
