those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize